Some Wait for End; Some Love to Quit

I have lost my lust for life many years ago. 

At first, I thought it was a bad phase that will pass away after some time but I realize that the older I get, the more I lose the desire to live.

I really don’t think it’s a psychological or any other medical issue, I think my continuous and ongoing problems have made my way of living fully negative.

Every day has become monotonous and everything sucks... nothing is exciting anymore and everything looks boring.

To be very honest I am really not living my life now, just passing it by...I don’t know how long I will go before I take action.

Whenever I hear of a Celebrity that dies young, I am filled with enthusiasm. I feel like, “Wow, they did it! They escaped!”
Instead of feeling sorry, I felt happy for them. I like stories where people die young. For me to commit suicide is a heroic act.

All I can think is, it must be easier to die and start again in the next life and if there isn’t the next life then I'll be gone so who cares?
Max to max 1 month from now, no one will remember me.
Maybe it's just nothing. Maybe I'd be reborn. Maybe I'd go to hell but who knows what happen after death. But perhaps it's something positive.

Taking my own life sounds terrible to other people right now but to me, it sounds really good right now. I just want to go to sleep without the thought of waking up

"Let’s make disappearances last forever."

My Stolen & Dead Life

All I wanted to be a normal life, to have a happy and peaceful life, to love and be loved. That’s all I ask for. Apparently, that’s just too much.
After 27 years, my life hasn’t gotten any better–in fact, it’s gotten multitudes worse.
I’m even more messed up, completely broken from inside and unable to cope with life.

Will I ever feel fine? Will I ever be able to be at ease and enjoy life?
At this moment, I feel hopeless, in despair. Will things ever get better? If it hasn’t by now, what makes me think it ever will??
I just don’t have any confidence that I will be able to fix my life and to fix myself.
I haven’t been able to do it so far, only been dragging myself further and further down the depths of mental instability.

Every day when I wake up, I feel my heart is being squeezed, it hurts so much that I can't take it anymore, just want to go back to sleep and never wake up.
Every day, every minute and every second I feel like I should die!
I have never experienced true love or true friendship, but what I know is that I feel so lonely and sad that I cry every night!

Every day I think up more than 10 different ways I could kill myself.
It’s actually getting worse like I feel I need help, but then I feel like nothing can help the pain, it’s horrible, I actually don’t know what to do with my life.
I feel like no one care for me anymore, like they just want me to die, that if I’m gone their life would be way better.
I’m trying my best here, but I just don’t see the reason for living, or for breathing, I’m just done.

The time between feeling some level of normal and giving anything for death to free me from this is getting shorter and shorter.
No one else knows how depressed I really am. I mask it very well- I go through the motions of life while feeling nothing but wanting to be dead.
If this is going to be the rest of my life, do I want the rest of my life? The stupidest thing I hear is that people envy me wishing they had my life.
Really would they envy me if they knew the truth? That I feel nothing, that I am so worthless that I don’t deserve to breathe?

I’m so tired of faking the same smile every day and pretending to be happy when I’m not. Why can’t I manage to be happy?
Whenever I begin to feel better something bad happens and ruins it.

I’ve been battling with depression for almost 5 years now,and I’ve been planing for a while now how to die.
I just want this life to be over, I feel I suffered enough and I just can’t take it anymore..the pain..the loneliness..the disappointments,
but most of all not having anyone to ask for help..having someone I can explain that I'm suffering and I need help.
I forgot how to laugh ..how to smile..depression has taken over my life now and I realized it's here to stay.
I m angry and sad all the time. I know now there is nothing for me in this world, I finally realized that.

Maybe I can make a difference in another life...

This is not a cry for help... I just wanted someone to know I was here,and to all reading this..maybe it will get better for you.

"No one is ever busy in his/her life. Its all about Priorities.

Love doesn't start in morning & doesn't end in evening.

It starts wen U don't need it & it ends wen U need it most.

Tears don't come wen U miss A person But they come wen U don't want to miss a person."